I am here alone in the house. After nearly four years of helping my Mother walk the dark
halls of dementia, she lays in bed at a Long Term Care facility a mere few minutes away.
It was a gift to keep her close and not face the horror of her being shuttled off to York or
Durham Region. I can keep watch over her and at the same time not worry about
entering her room here to find her fighting to get out of bed with the sheets and blankets
on the floor, trying to dislodge her catheter bag as we waited for an ever decreasing time
window of support worker visits. We were blessed with kind supportive help. Now at 59,
I'm left trying to salvage my own confused life. Unemployed, I have zero idea of what I'll
be doing or be able to do in a work world that's 101%+ different from the one I entered in
1975. I have no idea of how to do a resume. I barely needed one. And I'll have a significant
time gap that I'll need to explain. To quote Nick Tosches in the brilliant 'DEAD VOICES',
"Others have raised families. I, like the saburra of a discarded Borges tale, have raised an
obelisk to the back alley gods and windblown garbage of meaningnessless." Sometimes
all you can do is pray and seek community. And with that in mind, off to Christmas Eve
mass at St.Rose Of Lima. Happy Holidays.
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